Sorry... hope this amuses.

Well, my loyal readers, I know it's been a while since my last post, and for that I apologize. It's not really a good time in Rychkid world, but I won't get into that right now. I'll save it for another time when I'm feeling really jaded. Now that I've gotten that out of the way, I'll write something.

Turns out I've been officially blown off, so in the last few weeks I've compiled a short list, and made it into a top 10. So, now, for the first time in the corner apartment, here is the premiere. And yes, before I get the slew of emails, these have all happened.

Top Ten Signs You're Not Doing Well With A Girl In A Bar:

10. You ask her to dance and she says that she's allergic.
9. You ask if you can buy her a drink, and she says, "no, but I'll buy you one... how about a nice glass of 'get the fuck away from me?'"
8. You say that you'd like to take her to dinner sometime and she says, "sorry, my doctor has put me on a 'no-annoying-drunken-asshole diet.'" (That one hurt.)
7. You tell her that she looks great and she says, "thanks, but this thong really hurts my balls."
6. She asks you if you have any cuter, more interesting friends.
5. She asks you to turn around because she wants to check her makeup and the glare from the back of your head provides great reflective properties.
4. She hands you her phone number on a folded up napkin. You leave the bar, open it up, and the number is 585-FUCK-YOU.
3. You overhear her say to her friends, "watch this" as she proceeds to inadvertently dump a beer, glass of red wine, Long Island Iced Tea and entire dish of cherries onto your lap, and follow it up with an, "oops, my bad. Sorry."
2. She tells you that your breath smells like you just went down on a water buffalo with a skin condition, and that she's going to invest in Altoids stock after she calls the company and gives them your phone number and physical description.
1. She asks for your number, you give it to her, and then she hands it to the drag queen that's been checking you out all night. (We're not dating anymore.)

Well, that's going to be it for now. I've got bigger fish to fry, and more pickup lines to polish. Going to try to be cuter and more interesting tonight.

In case you were wondering, she didn't call.

Until next time...

R