I don't know... make up your own title.

Well, my loyal readers, I'll start off with the much deserved apology. Sorry. I know I haven't updated in a few weeks. I've been really busy, and it's been really hot. About the last thing that I want to do is sit in my office and write, but you've been patient, so here you go.

As I sit in front of this monitor, my bags packed for Toronto to go see my beloved Yankees this weekend, I'm enjoying a Blue Moon Belgian White Wheat Ale and taking slow, methodical drags on a Marlboro light. You see, there's been a lot on my mind lately about, what other than, the fairer sex. I'm unbelievably confused right now, as I have been for about the past two months. Specifically, I've been getting mixed signals, and I don't know what to think. I sort of think that I'm gaining some headway, but another part of me thinks that my head is just getting fucked with.

Here's the rant for today... at what point do we just give up? I'm going to be 35 years old in a little more than a week. I'm not getting any younger. Now, don't get me wrong... I haven't given up on life or anything morbid like that. I'm way too smart and way too good looking to start thinking that way. Things are actually going pretty well. I've got a good job, I just bought an Explorer, and my golf game is starting to come back into form. I'm just kind of at that point in a certain aspect of my life where maybe the best thing to do is stop trying.

I know lately that I've been likening pretty much everything to baseball, so why stop now? The only reason that I'm not giving up is the Chicago Cubs. For those of you that don't know, the Cubs haven't won a World Series title yet in the God knows how many years of their existence. The thing is that their fans are great, and they keep buying their season tickets year after year in the hopes that this is the year. There's a saying in sports; "there's always next year." Yeah... well, that's great if you're a baseball franchise and you can keep signing young players as fast as the veterans retire, but if you're 35... essentially one year closer to adult diapers, cardigan sweaters, baldness, people referring to you as though you were furniture and death... when do you just stop trying with women?

Ladies and gentlemen, I have dated my share of women. Some for a couple hours, and some for a couple of years. Honestly, mostly the former. Regardless... moving on. Is there something inherently wrong with my biological makeup where I can't just have a mutual understanding and happiness with a woman that lasts for longer than it takes to do a load of laundry?

I don't know... maybe it's just not in the cards. Maybe I'm destined to be single forever. Maybe my "soulmate" died in a tragic gardening accident a long time ago. It's not that I'm not O.K. with that. I am. I've written about this before, so you know where I'm at with this, but I really find myself questioning the theory on whether or not there is some grand plan out there lately. I don't know if it's the impending chronological change in my life where I have to start checking the "35-42" box on electronics warranties or the fact that I see couples walking down Park Avenue holding hands without a care in the world except people like me finding fault in their coupled bliss and exploiting and mocking it to the point of putting it in print. Here's your parachute. Get in line.

I guess the other side of that coin is the glaring reality that it's 10:38 on a Thursday night, and I'm sitting in front of a computer spilling my guts into a blog with a fairly limited, yet selective readership while they're sitting outside at Cibon with a pair of martinis, staring into each other's eyes like that meatball scene in the alley in "Lady and the Tramp." Jesus... I want to kick my own ass for making that reference. Poor bastards.

Just kidding... but not really. Seriously, I was.

Anyway, at what point do I just give up with women? I don't know. I'm a geek... or a dork... or whatever you want to call it. It all kind of hit me as I was putting away my laundry earlier. I had the iPod cranked, I had it on shuffle, and a Jason Mraz song came on. I'm going to share a little bit of the lyrics of that song.

"I don't care what she might think about me.
She'll get by without me if she won't.
I could be the one to take her home.
Baby we could rock the night alone.
If we never get down, it wouldn't be a let down,
But sugar don't forget what you already know.
That I could be the one to turn you out.
We could be the talk across the town.
Don't judge it by the color,
Confuse it for another,
You might forget what you let slip away,
Like the geek in the pink."

Here's what I took that as, and it came at a time when I was actually thinking about one girl that I've been thinking a lot about lately. I kind of took it as, hey, it's her loss so screw it. Immediately after that, "Never There" by Hoobastank came on. Check out the lyrics to this one.

"I'm filling up inside
Like i need to open wide
And pour my heart out to you
But i'll just get denied
And all i wanted was someone to hear what i'm going through.

You were supposed to see
All the signs i left right in front of your face
You were supposed to be
The closest thing to being me
But you're the furthest away
That's because.....

[chorus:] Everytime that i need you around
You're never there (never there) You're never there (never there)
Because in my life is where i need you now
But you're never there (never there)
You're never there (never there)
You're never there

And I doubt
That I will ever find out
If there's a way to get out
Of feeling all alone

Cause latley
I've been thinking
Maybe
That no one's going to save me
I'll do it on my own.....
On my own

[chorus:] Everytime that i need you around
You're never there (never there)
You're never there (never there)
Because in my life is where i need you now
But you're never there (never there)
You're never there (never there)"

In other words, I'm putting a pant-load of effor in here, but I feel like I'm getting no reciprocation, so screw it.

I don't know. Do I take that as a sign, or do I persevere? I don't know, and it's pissing me off that I'm so confused about this. I don't do this. I don't get like this. Do I accept the notion that my head is being fucked with, or do I buy a season ticket to Wrigley and move to Chicago? Jesus, I don't know. I guess if I had that answer, I wouldn't be writing this. I'd be at the Park Bench trying to pick up some trash and downing shots of tequila, talking about how my beloved God damn Yankees just lost to Toronto on a walk-off home run. Shit.

As per usual, I'm listening to my trusty iPod. Check out the song that came on as I dropped the last period on that sentence. It's "Next Ex-Girlfriend" by Bowling for Soup. Check the lyrics on this catchy little diddy.

"I don’t wanna meet your dad
Don’t wanna hump your sister
Don’t wanna do it to your best friend either
I don’t want you messin around and givin me a blister
And leave me illin for the penicillin
When you walk out
I don’t wanna feel left out

Cuz sooner or later its just over, over
I don’t wanna get inside your mind or your pants
I don’t wanna waste my time with love and romance
I want my next-ex-girlfriend, my next-ex-girlfriend
I don’t want the fairy tale and
I don’t want the girl from hell
Don't wanna be your biggest mistake

You can be my next-ex-girlfriend, my next-ex-girlfriend
I don’t wanna learn to dance don’t wanna rent the limo
I know your thinking I’m a weirdo
I just want the bragging rights
I want to let the world know
Convince my friends I’m not a homo
When you walk out I don’t wanna feel left out
Cuz sooner or later its just over, over

I don’t wanna get inside your mind or your pants
I don’t wanna waste my time with love and romance
I want my next-ex-girlfriend, my next-ex-girlfriend
I don’t want the fairy tale andI don’t want the girl from hell
Don't wanna be your biggest mistake
You can be my next-ex-girlfriend, my next-ex-girlfriend

Tell everyone im good in the sack
But all your friends were giving you flack
And you just couldn’t put up with that
So no your never taking me back

I don’t wanna get inside your mind or your pants
I don’t wanna waste my time with love and romance
I want my next-ex-girlfriend, my next-ex-girlfriend
I don’t want the fairy tale and
I don’t want the girl from hell
And I don’t want to spend the time
And I don’t need no valentine
My next-ex-girl friend, my next-ex-girlfriend"

I don't know... take it for what it's worth. I guess that's why they call it the "shuffle" feature.

Anyway... it's late. I need to sign off. Besides, I have to get up early and drive to Toronto tomorrow after work. The Skydome in Toronto has an awesome gift shop. Maybe the have converted Cubs fans hats.

Until next time...

R