Wanna trade?

Yeah, yeah, yeah... apologies, apologies, apologies. Anyway... off we go.

So I haven't posted in a while for a few reasons... let me sum those up "right quick" for you, in 100 words or less; lost a girl, found a girl, lost a girl, found a girl, called the police, lost a girl, found a girl, and finally, lost a girl. Questions? Too effing bad. I don't want to rehash the whole God damn thing. They're all psychos. There, I said it. Here's the part where you agree.

Yes, I know that I've said/written it before, but no matter how far I go, and no matter how long I live and breathe, I'm always amazed at the dexterity with which I can be absolutely duped and conned, until that point in time where we start to feel the creep. The creeping sensation that you know is there, and gradually gets bigger, but you just ride it out because you think it's just a bump in the road. I have news for you, my loyal readers... before you know it, that creeping bump is the size of Mt. Everest on steroids and oozing chocolate sauce that makes that slippery slope that we call "working on the relationship" about as slick as leather-soled shoes on a Vegas dance floor that some drunk broad just dropped her flaming zombo tequila velvet sunrise molatov cocktail with a twist of lemon and a lock of Wayne Newton's hair on... yes, you can order drinks like that in Sin City. Trust me... I've been there, and yes, I've seen it.

I've been hearing a lot as of late... maybe it's the whole holiday season bullshit... about how couples have to "work" at relationships. Like, "I have to work on being more responsible" or, "I have to work on being so impetuous" or, "I have to work on being more spontaneous", or... you get the idea. Having said that, doesn't that immediately beg the question; if you and your significant other or life partner or domestic partner or soulmate or whatever the fuck couples are calling it these days proactively and consciously "work" on changing whatever it is that you feel or your "whatever you want to call it" have to change, then aren't you, by definition, changing the very person that you fell in love with? Isn't that defeating the whole purpose of being with that person in the first place?

The reason, ladies and gentlemen, that we get involved with someone, is that we enjoy their company and we feel that in some way, that other person enhances our lives. Now, if each party has to "work" on some things, then you are, in fact, not yourself. You're what you or your "whatever the fuck" thinks you're supposed to be. Maybe this is the reason that I'm 35 and single. Maybe I'm just to into who I actually am and could give a frog's fat ass who I'm supposed to be. If someone had a blueprint of who and/or what I'm supposed to be, and I could somehow morph into that without sacrificing who I inherently am, I'd be more than eager and willing to listen. Some direction would be nice. You can ask anyone that knows me... I like me. I like me and if you don't, I don't really care. If you do too, that's great, but if you don't, once again, I do not care. My friend, Pat, has said this about me from day one... and I've found it to be true. He says, "you either get Rich or you don't." It's true. It's that black and white. Typically, I've found that the people that get me are intelligent and educated people that are a joy to be around and can handle their alcohol. The one's that don't are typically morons that are going to spend the brunt of their professional career in a paper hat and name tag. Not that there's anything wrong with that... but I'm just sayin'.

I'm not sure that I like the direction that this post is going... I think I'm going to utilize my ADD defense and change gears. Sorry. Anyone opposed, please raise your hand. Sorry... didn't see you there in the back, so I'm moving on.

Since I haven't been writing in roughly the past 4 months, I've had a lot on my mind. I think that this writing thing used to be therapeutic, and now that I haven't done it, I feel like I need to unleash some sort of torrent... I just can't find the starting line. There's just too much. Therefore, going forward in this post, there may be a few random ramblings. Strap in, and please excuse the "all over the place" direction that this ship is now taking.

With all the anti-relationship slurry that I've been pumping out over the last 3 years or so on this thing, I may have had a change of heart. This may be shocking for some of you, but knowing the demographic of my audience, I think most of you can handle it. Ready? Good. Here it is; (paragraph).

I think I need to find her.

Who the fuck is her, you ask? Her is the girl. The girl that I can have a normal, mutually beneficial, exclusive relationship with. Yes, I know that may be shocking for some of you, given my past ramblings, but I'm just kind of in the mindset that it may be time. Honestly, I'm getting really, really tired of falling into and out of and back into what I would consider to be unhealthy relationships. I'm tired of feeling like I have to effectively manage phone calls, text messages, emails and faxes just to keep my and her sanity. I'm tired of afternoon phone calls in my office with someone either crying or accusing me on the other end. I'm tired of wondering what psychotic episode is going to take place on the upcoming weekend. Mostly, I'm just plain tired of the game. Don't kid yourselves, married, single, unmarried but living together (except in Massachussetts) people, it is a game... all of it. I don't know if it can be won or lost... I only know that it can be played, and we are all players in that game, like it or not.

I guess the biggest question is, "what are you willing to trade?" It's like a big game of pitch. You can have this, but you can't do that in order to get it. You can have this, but you have to do this for me. For the married people... would you be willing to trade your job so that you could spend more time with your whatever? Some would say yes, but enlighten me as to how you're going to maintain that lovely house with the white picket fence where you so elegantly dwell. Trade that and you'll be filing for divorce before you get done reading this sentence. I think that my biggest problem is that I don't know how much and of what I am willing to trade to find her.

If you make that trade, which we all eventually have to do in some way or another, you have effectively "worked" on whatever you perceive your situation to be... so I guess, in reality, there is a little work to be done... in anything. While you're thinking about that, I'll be over here working on finding her.

Here's another, yet another question for you; where am I going to find her? Wegman's? Barnes and Noble? Wal-Mart? (probably not) Target? Johnny's Irish Pub (the best in Rochester, by the way). I don't know. If you happen to find her, give me a call. I've got the keys to the Explorer in hand.

A pertinent question now is, "what if I've already found her, and she's already out of my life?" Well, so be it. Again, for those of you skimming this little rant, I like me. It should be obvious through the tenure of our relationship on this blog that I'm perfectly content with myself and I can kill time and occupy it with the best of them, although I think I could do it better if I could just get my hands on a Nintendo Wii. Either way... honestly people, I'm going to try. Maybe I succeed, maybe not. But if I try to fail and succeed, what have I really done? I don't know... work on that one and get back to me.

However, until you do, or until I find her, I've got to get some sleep. I've got a long day tomorrow supplying essential software to geeks. Also, I've got to book my Vegas ticket for the annual trip... this time I won't bring the leather-soled shoes.

Until next time...

R