Breaking up with the boss

So here it is... 10:39 PM, Eastern Standard Time... the night before my last few hours at my current company. In a way, it's kind of a bummer. I've only been there two months, they've treated me pretty well, and spent a good chunk of change on me for training, but I guess that's the risk you run when you hire someone; that they won't be an inconsiderate tool that's going to milk you for a couple month's salary and ditch when they have a better offer.

What's going to suck is when I go in there and hand my boss my letter of resignation, he's going to use every weapon in his arsenal to get me to stay. I get it... he's invested a lot of time and money in me & my development, and he's looking for a return on his investment. I get it, makes sense, and I'd do the same thing if I were in his shoes. The thing of it is that I'm not unhappy there; it's really just dollars and cents (or sense, I'm not sure how that cliche is supposed to sound... I guess the latter is more profound, but I really don't care). The money thing, the benefits thing, the company car thing... all good things... better than I have now.

Does it sound like I'm trying to justify leaving? Does it sound vaguely like I'm trying to validate my decision to move on? Well, maybe that's because I am. I honestly feel bad, and like I've been lying to them for the last week... because, let's be honest here, I've been getting paid for doing pretty much nothing for the last 5 days. I hate feeling like I'm screwing these guys, probably because I am. Then again, the other side of the coin is that when I got laid off from a job that I really liked back in March of '04, it wasn't a personal thing, and my former boss told me that he felt like he was screwing me (figuratively, not literally... otherwise I'd be retired by now with a nice sexual harassment settlement), but the company had to lose some "redundant overhead." Said company has since laid off another 124 people that were "redundant overhead," and also lost a huge customer that was contributing $8.5M/year to their bottom line. But, yeah... it was a good idea to get rid of me. Ever notice that it's really hard to express sarcasm in print? I did, just then.

Anyway... back to my point. Never mind, I don't think I have one. I guess you could equate this to a breakup... both parties are just cruising along, it's going well, and then one decides to jet because they have a better offer. It's not a personal thing (well, I guess it really is, but I'm going for substance here). It's more that you have to look out for yourself. I know that the "grass is always greener," but when it's painfully obvious that you'll be happier someplace else, regardless of how good things are going, then you have to move on. Case in point... one of my best friend's parents got divorced about 10 years ago. Did they have a good marriage? I thought so, but what did I know... I never really talked to either one of them about their marital bliss. Did they seem happy? Sure, as happy as someone who's legally bound and contractually obligated to another individual could be. Are they both better off now? Absolutely. Was my friend upset? Sure he was, for about 5 minutes. The reason I say that is because this is what he told me; "Rich man, they'll both be happier, and that's all I really care about. This isn't about me." Truer words were never spoken, and I think that's the attitude that I have to have tomorrow. Honestly, we'll both be better off... both me and my boss. If I stay, I'll always wonder what would have happened with that other, higher paying, company car having, better benefits giving, cooler job. Also, my boss is going to be better off because... well... never mind, I guess he won't really be better off... he's getting screwed. Oh, wait... no, I got it... he'll be better off because I would be unhappy and it would reflect in my work, subsequently and ultimately costing the company money. There... how's that for justification? See? It's a good move for both of us.

It was tough to type up that letter of resignation, because I really do wish both him and the company the best... they're new to ultra-conservative Rochester, so for a new business to come in, they're going to need a little luck. I do think that they'll succeed, but unfortunately they won't have me to thank for it. Bummer.

So there... I justified and validated as best I could. I don't really feel any better about it, though. It's for the best. It's a good move. It's the right thing to do, both personally and professionally. I feel happy. I feel healthy. I feel terrific. There, I said it. Now it feels better... well, kinda.

Wow... so the next time I post, I'll technically be unemployed. There's a certain dignity to that... just the fact that it's by choice, and I called my own shot. There... that's all I needed.

Now I really do feel better... or maybe it's the tequila talking again.

Until unemployment... that's it for now. In the immortal words of Jimmy Buffett (my hero), "drink it up, this one's for you... it's been a lovely cruise."