The gut shot

What can I say... it's done, it's over... I quit my job. Much to my surprise, it wasn't as painful as I thought it would be. I really thought that my boss would give me some long pitch about how I hadn't given the job 100% or a fair shot or whatever. He was actually very cool about it. Not that I thought that he would be a dick, but I think that he had the attitude that I had made up my mind, and that there was really no point in arguing. He did ask a few questions; why, what, when... yada, yada, yada... but I think he knew that my mind was made up. He was obviously disappointed, and said that he was very surprised because I was performing very well and had every confidence in me. To be honest, that was nice to hear, and I thanked him for his candor and compliments.

Why is it, that no matter what decision I make, even if I know it's the right one or it's for my own good or whatever, that I always wind up second guessing myself. It seems like I always have a hard time with that. Is it human nature? Maybe, maybe not. Buyer's remorse? I think that's more the case. I hate to leave something that I knew was good, that I had no malice for, in order to pursue something that I'm pretty sure is going to be better. Maybe it's the gambler in me, or maybe it's that "hunter/gatherer" menatality that has been instilled into my psyche since the beginning of time, in which case I can blame leaving good jobs and good relationships on some caveman that died a zillion years ago. I'm going with that.

I've always believed that your choices are half chance. The reason I believe this is that if someone, anyone had all the answers and always made the right choice, there would be virtually no conflict in the world. All you'd have to do is call some "answer guy," and say, "hey, answer dude, do I get rid of this broad and go out to find something else, something better, something more compatible, or do I stay right where I am because this is the best fit for me?" Well, if the answer guy were one of my friends, the standard answer would be, "get yourself a bottle of tequila, a hooker, and a prescription for penicillin, then stick it out with the first broad." I'd like answer guy to have a more definitive answer than that. I guess that's what makes life, love, and human interaction so interesting; that you never really know the outcome of anything until it happens. That's why I love sports. I know that's a great segue analogy, comparing leaving a job to leaving a woman (or man or whatever the case may be) and ultimately to sports... yeah, that's what I do. But I'm not getting into the whole sports thing now... promise.

Anyway, back to my point, and I do have one. Essentially what I'm getting at is that if you're presented with an opportunity, I think you have to go with your gut. Unfortunately, there is no answer guy... not yet, anyway... but rest assured, somebody somewhere is working on it. When I moved to Rochester from Jamestown, it was an extremely difficult decision. I was leaving the town I grew up in for 24 years, a great group of friends, my family, and I was also leaving someone very special behind. The thing was, that if I didn't leave, I never would have known what I would have been missing, and right now I'd probably be writing about that whole "ignorance is bliss" thing. Ya know what? It turned out for the best; I'm still close with my friends, I'm actually closer with my family than I have ever been, and the someone special that I left behind is doing great. I'm sure she agrees that we're much better off friends than the path that we were headed down. I know at the time that I broke her heart, and for that I felt, and still feel horrible when I think about it, but I went with my gut and I think it turned out for the best. Where was that damn answer guy then? Maybe I'm the answer guy. Nah... I couldn't be the answer guy... I'd have better hair if I was the answer guy.

So that's the rant for today... going with the gut. That's all I got. Until next time... this is random answer guy... ciao.

By the way... heading to Johnny's Irish Pub (www.johnnyssmokefree.com) tonight (just about the best bar in Rochester). John Akers is playing and always draws a great crowd... very talented acoustic and piano player with a great voice. Check him out sometime if you've never seen him. Now there's an answer I can be definitive about.

R