I do, well, maybe.

As I sit here, sipping a nice SoCo on the rocks and playing poker, I wonder. I wonder about a lot of things. In light of the past few days, my wondering has particularly gone the wayward of marriage. Am I considering getting married? No. But I will tell you that I do wonder about it. Again, in light of the past few days, what, with my mother and her new husband, and my thoughts that my father probably got engaged (again). Sorry, Dad.

I know that I've written about this before... about how it doesn't matter how old you are and if you're not married it doesn't make you less of a person, but I see all that, and I see my two best friends that I never get to see, and it makes me wonder, and it confuses me. It makes me wonder; what if I'd have gone through with my engagement in 1997. What if I would have fought harder for Beth? What if the girl that I broke up with 5 years ago was the one? Well, the odds are that she probably wasn't.

Regardless, I still have to believe that through the years that I have made the right decisions. Statistics don't lie. The odds are that if I get married, I have a 50/50 shot of being divorced. Again, that's not me talking. Those are the facts. The fact that I'd have to give 50% of whatever meager possessions I own are going to someone else in the event that she doesn't want to spend the rest of her life with me is not a great bet. Would I be willing to gamble on the right horse? Sure... but I'd have to be pretty darn sure. If and when I get married, there's not going to be a doubt in my mind. It's not going to be one of those "well, I've been with this person for so long, and it's not great, but it's not horrible, so I might as well go to the next step." Wrong. Wrong answer. The very fact that you've just stayed with this person for whatever duration of time and you're not sure that it's great is the very justification that you should not, in fact, take the "next step."

The "next step," you must understand, is a whole other level. Everything changes. Yes, I said everything. The little things that now annoy you, yeah, they will grow to an incessant degree of pissing you off. {Quick sidebar... I just lost with pocket Jacks. That sucks.} Bear in mind, it's not that I'm bitter, it's just that I'd love better odds. It's, once again, like Vegas. You have pretty much a 50/50 shot on the red/black thing, but there's that double zero that throws the odds in the house's favor. If you had to wager everything you owned on a 50/50 shot, would you do it? Me either... unless, of course, my buddy Noah, was at my side saying, "cuz, I got a good feeling about black, hit it up for $200." If I had the same feeling, I'd probably lay it down and drop a couple hundred on black. Again, bear in mind that I trust my gut and I trust Noah. Nevertheless, it's the roll of that marble.

Now, let me say this. I just got down to the final table... that means me and some other clown are going head to head at 3:13 AM. Do I know what he has in his hand? No. I only know that I have J, 10 off suit and that I'm going all in. Turns out I lost. The other clown had Queens wired, and caught one on the flop. It happens. Ladies and gentlemen, the very same thing can happen well after you've exchanged vows. You could have pocket Aces, but she could be sitting on 3/6 off suit and nut the straight on the flop. You don't have that guarantee. While you may think that your Aces are golden pre-flop, you never know what somebody else has in their pocket. It's the luck of the draw, and you never know what the other person has in their pocket. Those of you that are in the situation that I previously mentioned should read that again.

Regardless, it's funny how I wind up with like $50 remaining, and I find myself at the final table every time. The cards just somehow seem to work out in my favor. Maybe that's a sign.

Anyway, I'm not going to take what the cards say as gospel. I'll just continue to play the game.

I've got pocket Kings, and some jerk just raised me. Think I'll see what happens on the turn before I fold.

Until next time...

R