The move

Well, my loyal readers, once again you are due an apology. After not posting for like three weeks, I'm overdue for one. Although it's been used far too often, I'll say it again. The job has been kicking my ass. There. Now, here's what's been going on. Oh shut it. I apologized. Get over it.

Having said that, with everything that's been going on in the world and my life, it's probably good that I haven't posted in a while. I've got a lot of stuff that I want to weigh in about. However, first things first. There is a bit of semi-sad news to report from the corner apartment, and here it is. Sadly, this will probably be the last if not one of the very last from the corner apartment. No, my loyal readers, I'm not logging off for good. I'm moving. Alas, the corner apartment will be no more, at least not in my little world. I found a really cool apartment right smack dab in the middle of my beloved Park Avenue, here in sunny Rochester, NY. It's a two bedroom, two full bathroom apartment, and it's the entire second floor of a house. It's got a loft for storage that I just found today, and a ton of off-street parking. It's pretty much more room than I will ever need. While I don't have a ton of complaints about the corner apartment, there are a few, but the final straw was when I had to park a freaking block and a half away when it snowed last Thursday. That sucked, and pretty much solidified my decision. It's a little more than what I'm paying now, but I'll gladly pay the extra cash not to freeze my nipples off while walking a quarter mile in the dead of a Rochester winter. While I'm on the subject, here's a brief list of the reasons for the move.

1. My current landlord is a tool. Either he or one of his employees have this nasty habit of using their key and walking in here in the middle of the day. That's annoying. Once I walked in around 1:00 in the afternoon and there was some dude standing in the middle of my living room. That weirded me out... the first time. After that it just pissed me off.

2. Parking is absolutely abysmal... especially in the winter. If I'm not home by 5:30 at the latest, I'm pretty much parking on 490. If I try to park on what will be the correct side of the street any earlier than 4:46 PM (remember that parking ticket?) I'm apparently subject to legal action by one of Rochester's finest. Bastards.

3. Too many people that I previously dated know the security code to get in the building. If I have to explain why this is a really, really bad thing, go hit yourself on the head with a tack hammer.

4. The fat broad that lives in one of the basement apartments is big on stealing my quarters out of the dryer. Allow me to elaborate. A couple of months ago, I had a load of clothes in the washer, and while they were in there, I put quarters in the tray of the dryer, essentially to claim it for the next load. Having left them there in good faith (it's a freaking dollar in quarters for crying out loud), I went back up to the corner apartment to do whatever it is that I do while my clothes are spinning around in that soapy mess and making them wearable again. A half hour went by, and back to the laundry room basement I went. They were still spinning, and my quarters were still there, so I went outside to smoke a cigarette. On my way out, I noticed the fat chick walking in to the laundry room. Again, trusting that my f'ing four quarters would be safe, I didn't give it a second thought. Anyway, I smoked my cigarette, and headed back down into the bowels of the luxurious Berkeley apartments. As I entered the aforementioned laundry room, the fat chick was headed out with her big ass basket of freshly dried clothes. Much to my dismay, my aforementioned quarters were gone. The stream of expletives that escaped from my mouth would have made Sam Kinison jealous. Not so much that it was actual, tangible American currency, but the principle of the thing. It's a freaking coin-op machine for the love of God... it's not like they charge by the pound. Anyway, the quarter-stealing fat chick is reason #4. Have a little integrity, people.

5. There's a mentally handicapped gentleman on the first floor. Now, he, in and of himself, is not a reason that I'm moving. He seems like a nice enough guy, he's harmless, and he gets extremely excited when either FedEx or UPS shows up. So much so that I haven't missed a delivery in 6 months. As soon as the truck shows up, he runs from his apartment, and accepts the deliveries for all the people in the building. Now, having said that I haven't missed a delivery, doesn't come without a price. He'll leave a note on my door to come get my package, which means that I have to go down to his apartment and collect it. Let me preface whatever I put down in print with this; I have nothing at all against mentally handicapped people. I don't make fun of them, I do a bunch of charity work, and I think to see someone with a handicap overcome their disadvantage/handicap is wonderful. Having said that, here goes. When I go down to his apartment to collect my package, 9 out of 10 times he's not wearing a shirt or shoes, and it really kind of weirds me out. While I do appreciate the convenience, the bare chested gentleman is pretty creepy.

6. Every time I fire up the microwave for more than one minute and twenty-six seconds, it blows the fuse in my kitchen and bedroom. It took me over a year to figure out what lights I could and couldn't have on if I wanted to nuke a f'ing bag of popcorn. If anyone out there is looking for a two-bedroom in the Park Ave. area, and wants to move into the Berkeley apartments, you can have the TV in your bedroom on, but not the main light, or you can have the closet light on but not the main light and TV, and make sure that if you're making a hot pocket that you unplug the DVD player in your bedroom and cross your fingers. Yes, there have been explosions in the corner apartment.

7. I got a call a few weeks ago from my tool of a landlord that someone had complained that my surround sound system was too loud. One, if someone in the building thinks that my system is too loud, I would hope that they would simply come and ask me to turn the stupid thing down and not call the f'ing tool of a landlord. I'm 6'1" and 165 pounds soaking wet. I'm not the most physically intimidating person in the world. Two, it's not like I'm blaring this thing at 3:00 in the morning. If I do watch a movie, it's usually over by 11:00. Three, how the fuck does the tool of a landlord even know that I have a surround sound system? Oh yeah, see reason #1.

8. While all my utilities in this place are included in the rent, it's either feast or famine with the climate control. That's right, I don't have control over the heat. There was a note on everyone's door last week that said a computer controls it, and keeps the temperature between 67 and 69 degrees. Let me tell you this right now. There hasn't been a day in the last two years that I've lived here when the temperature has been anywhere near 67 or 69 degrees. The temperature in this place is one of two extremes. It's either Arctic Circle or hatching baby chicks in here. There's been many a night where I've woken up sweating at 4AM, kicked off the comforter and gone back to sleep, and then had my alarm go off 3 hours later and been able to cut diamonds with my nipples.

9. I watched the Boston Red Sox win a World Series in this apartment. I can't live with that, and neither should anyone else. If you hate the Red Sox as much as I do, and you watched that debacle in the place you live now, you should move. It's bad karma to stay.

Regardless, that's all I can come up with right now. I could probably write some more and fill up a few hundred pages on reasons to move, but I really feel like that would be wasted energy. And God knows, I need all the energy I can muster... moving is a bitch.

While I can't wait to move, I am absolutely dreading the moving process. Moving flat out sucks. However, I did get some good news the other day. I seemed to remember something about the place that I bought my TV from. I thought I heard them say something to the effect of moving my TV if I decide to move. Now, bear in mind that I have a 53" TV. I really don't want to move this f'ing monster. For one, the odds are far greater in favor of my dropping it a couple of stories than successfully negotiating the intricacies of a second floor Park Ave. apartment. Anyway, short story long, I called the place, and asked them if that was a service that they provided, and the response I got was music to my ears. The guy said, "sure, we can do that for you." Outstanding. Now that's customer service. Granted, I'm sure that I'm going to have to tip whoever comes to move this thing, but a small price to pay rather than buying a brand new TV.

Honestly though, it'll be a bittersweet day when I finally vacate these premises. I've had a lot of fun in the corner apartment. I started this blog, I got to meet the weirdo potter across the hall, and successfully endured five and a half months of unemployment... man, did that ever suck.

Regardless, I think I'll end this rant there. Although there are a few other things I wanted to write about; Terrell Owens and how he's a dick and should just go somewhere and shut his big fat yap for about the next 30 years, the NBA and their new dress code and how the players feel that it's an "infringement on hip-hop culture." Give me a fucking break. You overpaid assholes make about ten times what I do, and I have to adhere to a business casual dress code. It's a requirement of the job, you freaking crybaby jackasses. I listen to Jimmy Buffett. You don't hear me bitching that a business casual dress code is an infringement on parrot head culture. That really pisses me off. And, finally, I was going to write about my upcoming Festivus party. I already have the pole, constructed from aluminum for it's high strength to weight ratio, and there will absolutely be the airing of grievances and feats of strength. It will be celebrated on December 23, and if you're good, you might just get an evite. By the way, if you don't get an evite and/or you can't come to mine for geographic constraints or other reasons, you can host your own party and order your pole here.

Well, unless I get the time to post again before the move, that'll about wrap it up from the corner apartment. No, I won't be re-naming the site, so you won't have to change the bookmark that I know you all have. Hopefully the next post that you read will be from the second floor apartment, complete with pictures... provided, of course, that Time Warner can actually show up on time. I've got them meeting me at the new place on the 28th, sometime between 4PM and February.

Having said that, I'm going to log off. I've got to go get something out of my car. Think I'll pack a lunch for the trip.

Until next time...

R