The self serving post

Well, seeing as I haven't posted in a while, at the request of my loyal readers, here is the newest post. Enjoy.

It's the end of Park Ave. Fest 2005, and I got my obligatory poster from this year's festival, but rather than go on and on about the weekend's festivities, this is what I've decided to do and the reason why. I met a bunch of people this weekend, and when you get into those "new person" conversations, they're pretty much all the same; what do you do, where are you from, how long have you lived here... yada, yada, yada. So, in order to dispense with all the redundancies, I'm just going to refer people to my blog and tell them to read (get ready) "100 things about me." Having said that, here goes, and they are in no particular order, so strap in and read on.

1. I am (yikes) 34 years old.
2. I am single.
3. I have never been married.
4. I have no kids (that I know of).
5. My middle name is Louis.
6. I am right handed.
7. Although I have many gay friends, I am straight.
8. I'm smarter than you.
9. People think I'm funny, but I think I use humor as a defense mechanism.
10. My shoe size is 10.5.
11. I smoke Marlboro Lights.
12. I have a really big TV.
13. My favorite singer/band/performer/whatever is Jimmy Buffett, and his birthday is on Christmas (in case you were wondering).
14. When I was 10 years old I won $50 in a church raffle, and bought Asteroids for my Atari system with the money.
15. My favorite food is cheeseburgers. The best ones on the planet are at the Earle Street Grill in Ormond Beach, Florida.
16. My two best friends are married and live in St. Petersburg, FL, and Charlotte, NC, respectively. A lot of times I wonder what my life would be like if I moved South.
17. I am afraid of needles and I pass out whenever I have to have blood drawn.
18. I'm really good at NHL Hockey by EA Sports for PS2.
19. I can roll my tongue.
20. I do a great Al Pacino impression, but my Christopher Walken needs work.
21. I went through 5 different therapists from age 13 to age 22. My parents made me go to them because they thought I was unhappy. They (my parents) couldn't figure out the simple truth that they are the ones that fucked me all up. Every one of those therapists sucked. Know what therapy is? It's guessing at $150 an hour. Psychology is bullshit. Period. I have a BA in Psychology.
22. I love the New York Yankees.
23. I hate the Boston Red Sox.
24. My high game in bowling is 269.
25. I have never traveled outside of the U.S. except for Canada. I don't really count Canada as leaving the country because it's an hour away. I don't think you should be able to say you have left the country unless you had to get on a plane and fly over a large body of water to do it.
26. I do not agree with the war in Iraq.
27. I do not believe that NASCAR is a sport. It's driving.
28. My parents are divorced.
29. I can hit a golf ball 300+ yards.
30. My favorite hockey player is Mike Modano.
31. I once inadvertently stole 2 oranges from Wegmans. Long story.
32. I believe in God and that he (or she) does not hate me.
33. I have 19 pens and an X-Acto knife in a cup on my desk.
34. I once dated a Miss America contestant.
35. I am afraid of heights, but flying doesn't bother me.
36. The love of my life got married a couple of weeks ago, and it absolutely crushed me. I cried for 2 days. She broke my heart 12 years ago, and not a day goes by that I don't think about her. Sorry for the downer.
37. I am strangely attracted to Carrie Fisher. Maybe it was the metal bikini thing she wore in Return of the Jedi. I don't know.
38. I have a chicken pox scar on the right side of my rib cage.
39. I no longer have tonsils.
40. I know a lot of stupid bar tricks.
41. The combination to my locker in junior high school was 26-36-6.
42. My favorite movie is True Romance.
43. I am a 3rd Degree Master Mason.
44. I once accepted a shitty job just so that I could quit the shitty job that I already had.
45. A girl once saved my life with a phone call. To this day she has no idea about this.
46. Sometimes when I'm bored, I go up to the top of my building and spit down on to the sidewalk below. However, I won't look over the edge (remember, afraid of heights) to see if it hit anyone. I'll just wait to hear the expletive "what the fuck???" from below. Then, I go back into my apartment and watch my really big TV.
47. My favorite television show ever is Seinfeld. It's brilliant.
48. I think it would be cool to have sex with a midget.
49. I do not collect anything.
50. I pray every day that my father finds happiness.
51. I have a spider living in my bathroom and I refuse to kill him. I call him Al. Whenever I happen to find any type of insect in my apartment (fly, ant, whatever) I grab it and throw it into Al's web so that he can eat. I secretly fear that he will get enormous and be able to kill me, but he won't because I fed him.
52. I believe in Karma.
53. Every year I go to the movies by myself on my birthday.
54. My dream job is to be the lead singer in a nationally successful band.
55. I had sex with a married woman because she said she was going through a divorce. She lied.
56. When I was 11 years old and playing little league, I was batting and the pitcher hit me in the head. It cracked the helmet from one side to the other. That sucked.
57. Once when I was 10, my mom asked me to go to the store for a loaf of Italian bread. So I stuck my fat friend on the back of my bike and subsequently wiped out. I broke my front right tooth and scraped my face along the pavement. So now I have a plastic tooth.
58. I cannot judge a fly ball in softball, so I have to play infield.
59. I honestly believe that I could have been a professional athlete if I would have worked harder at any of the sports I played.
60. The first time I was on ice skates I fell face first into the ice and got a concussion and a black eye.
61. I like to flirt with other guy's girlfriends, but I get insanely jealous if the girl I'm out with flirts with someone else.
62. I hate people that use that walkie-talkie feature on their phone while in public or in a crowd. That really pisses me off.
63. I think the words "tuna melt" are funny and I laugh when I hear someone order it.
64. My pant size is 33-34.
65. I have a lot of ties and I hate to wear any of them.
66. My Christmas is going to suck this year.
67. I have an autographed jersey from Miroslav Satan and an autographed stick from Jean-Luc Grand-Pierre.
68. I think I'm jealous of my friend's girlfriend because now she gets more of his time than I do. It bothers me that I feel that way.
69. The song that I would like to have played at my funeral is "Lovely Cruise" by Jimmy Buffett.
70. I am extremely loyal to my friends.
71. I think that the people that wrote "He's Just Not Into You" and "The Rules" are completely full of shit.
72. I have an overwhelming desire to go on vacation by myself.
73. I have a cream-colored leather sectional couch.
74. My mother is re-marrying in October. I don't know how I feel about that.
75. I do not believe that Lee Harvey Oswald acted alone.
76. I once got drunk and made out with a fat girl in the middle of a club. Not just fat, really fat.
77. I am 6'1" and weigh 163 lbs.
78. Samantha was the best dog ever.
79. I can't do a hand stand.
80. Once I ordered a chicken sandwich at Wendy's and I bit into a big gross blue slimy thing in the middle of the sandwich. I threw up, and haven't set foot in a Wendy's since.
81. I am really good at taping up a hockey stick.
82. I have a really high alcohol tolerance.
83. I like to say "niner" instead of just saying nine.
84. I think I turned out OK despite my lousy childhood.
85. I think the most attractive feature on a woman is a brain, although a nice body doesn't hurt.
86. I am a good typist.
87. I could never solve Rubik's Cube.
88. My favorite color is red.
89. When I was 16, I got into a car accident within 2 weeks of getting my license.
90. The dentist I used to go to sucked. Her name is Dr. Susan Bracker and she sucks.
91. I took Viagra once and really liked it.
92. I lost my virginity on December 17, 1988. I remember this because it was my sister's birthday.
93. I have pictures of jazz musicians on the wall in my office, but I don't own any jazz music.
94. My favorite sports teams are the New York Yankees, the Buffalo Bills, the Buffalo Sabres and the Syracuse University Orange.
95. I think that Jim Rome is the best sports talk show host ever.
96. A lesbian once punched me in the face and gave me a black eye because I slept with her ex-girlfriend. I didn't hit her back.
97. I was a bartender for 3 years.
98. I threw up at King's Island in Cincinnati after going on the teacup ride because my cousin made it spin too fast.
99. I graduated from St. Bonaventure University.
100. I like believing in the idea that I have a soulmate somewhere out there.

Well, that's it. If anyone would like more information, please don't hesitate to contact me. Until then, I'm just going to head back out to the corner apartment and watch my really big TV on my cream-colored leather sectional couch.

As always...

R